9 Ways to Best Express Your Deep Sympathy
We all deal with death differently. Losing someone we love and care about is always a devastating event and different people cope with it in myriad ways. There is no one correct answer, and any healthy method that helps is more than welcome. What you can do in this situation is to take any action, as it’s leagues better than none. Expressing oneself can be in any way, from words to gestures.
Sometimes even your presence is enough to help the grieving person. Support and kind words go a long way to elevate and ease this transitional phase in anyone’s life. With that in mind, it’s easy to get stuck or paralysed from the sheer choices as there are heavier thoughts in everyone’s mind during these times. We are here to help as much as possible so you can extend those sympathies further.
1. Reach out
It doesn’t matter where you are in the world when tragedy strikes. While physical distance is not something you can overcome in an instant you can do something with modern tech. Such grief events are usually sudden and unplanned. By reaching out and communicating, you are at least trying to be there in some form. The grieving person may not handle this situation well, which is completely understandable, and you shouldn’t hold that against them.
Even providing a shoulder to cry on and letting all those emotions run and be released can be helpful. Human contact is possible without the human presence. But your voice and thoughtful gestures will surely be appreciated.
2. Write or text
When you are not good at with dealing live emotions or don’t want to bother the already grief-stricken relative, writing is the next best option. Texts in electronic or written form can hold all sorts of emotions and meaning behind them, allowing you to express yourself in different ways. Being emphatic about someone’s loss and not wanting to overburden them with calling or visiting is understandable so composing a literature condolence letter is perfect.
Even more so, if you are better with written expression rather than verbal. As we mentioned before, there is no correct answer for these types of situations, and we all deal with them differently. Always remember that it’s the thought that counts and your actions in verbal or written form will go a long way.
3. Personal visit
Don’t think for a second that going out of your way and travelling to visit your grieving relatives or friends will be a burden. Human touch and interaction are priceless and some things are better left for in person. They need all the help and friends they can get now, someone to remind them that they may have lost that special someone, but are not left alone in the world. You don’t have to do anything special other than appearing, being there and consoling them. After all, you know them best and can judge the ideal time for a visit. You can also choose to stay for a few days or leave them alone to grief. Again, it’s up to you.
4. Flower arrangement
Flowers have long been a standard and custom for funerals and similar events. When such dire events happen, people want stability, normal and something familiar to grab onto. Sending appropriate and comforting flowers for funerals is the most appropriate way of helping out. Flowers are there to remind the person that there is still beauty in the world and provide some comfort, now when they need it the most.
Whether you are visiting in person or send them if you can come at this moment, flowers make for the ideal sympathy and comfort item. Death can be countered with colours, scent and beauty, reminding the person that all is not lost now and there is a brighter tomorrow.
5. Mail a card of condolence
Condolence cards have extra value as they can be kept for a longer time, and you can add more value to them than regular texts. Condolence cards usually contain pictures, so they add an extra layer of message and sympathy. Usually, they have text on one side and a picture on the other, but you can mix and create what you feel will be the best. Pictures can produce a soothing, relaxing or re-assuring feeling and a picture is worth a thousand words.
Some minimal amount of text combined with a picture or two can be the ideal recipe to show your sympathy. Even after they read them one time, condolence cards can always be kept and treasured. While the situation they are associated with is certainly not a happy one, it’s the thought that counts and the sentiment contained inside them will always be treasured and remembered.
6. Give space
Different people cope with such drastic events in different ways. Since you know your friends and relatives the best you can best judge if they would maybe wish to be left alone. Coping with loss comes in different ways, and wanting some time alone is all right. Hospital, visits, funeral and the aftermath bring with them countless faces, hustle and noise. Couple the extreme mental and emotional trauma, and you may realise why people need space and time to grieve.
Whatever time that may be is individual, and as long as it is healthy, you should not interfere. Their lives are now irreversibly changed, and such permanent adjustments are difficult to overcome for certain people. Loss can never be permanently replaced but bridging the gap is possible. Step by step, bit by bit, and they will get there, at their own pace.
7. Counselling
Mental trauma can be much worse than any physical one. When people experience the death of a loved one, such a life-changing event leaves permanent scars. To heal them, despite your best intentions, they can sometimes need specialised grievance counselling. Family, relatives and friends often have the best intentions, but it’s sometimes not enough. In the same way, as your physical wounds need professional medical attention, the same applies to your mental health. When you are sick, you go to the doctors, and when you have a mental, life-altering crisis and indescribable loss you need all the help you can get.
Grief counselling has ample experience under their belt and ways to help out your loved ones in the best way possible. Best intentions can only go so far, but emotional trauma can cause physical problems and can manifest in many ways. Depression, loss of appetite, anxiety, mood swings and others are all common, and you should not overreact to them. Sometimes, it’s even expected. Level-headed and open to finding the best solution is what’s needed at this moment.
8. Being available
Letting your grieving friend or relative know that they can reach out to you at any time is invaluable. Now that they have lost that special someone, they can feel isolated and alone. Nothing makes sense when your life abruptly changes, and they can often feel lost. Putting yourself as the anchor that they can rely on requires a lot from you. We won’t sugar coat, and it will be messy. Tears, negative emotions and similar will happen, and you will have to bear with them.
Always keep in mind why you are doing this. It’s all about helping and making sure that they continue their lives as best as they can. Even their lost ones would love nothing more. While one life ended, it does not mean that they have to stop living. These times are all about the grieving person. Make it all about them, talk about their feelings and never stray. Don’t draw comparisons, and don’t try to push your beliefs. The person who lost someone is at the centre point, and you are the anchor that will keep them from drifting.
9. Respect their religious choices
Whatever your belief may be at times like this, they should remain exactly that. Yours. The person who is at a loss may be of some or no religion, and all religious beliefs have their ways and traditions when it comes to death. If you share them, it’s all the better as you can find something in common. But, in the case that you are an atheist or of a different faith, it’s worth doing some research or simply being there and not touching upon religion. Death and loss are deeply personal in the same way as religion is, and there is no point in diminishing those values or imposing your own.
As Tolkien once said, and we are paraphrasing, ” Death is just another path, one that we all must take”. Dealing with loss may seem like a permanent event but life goes on. Time heals all wounds but they will not be forgotten. Your actions will be the same as any activity that you make now is better than none. Acknowledging one’s loss and sharing their pain is the human and emphatic thing to do. Picture yourself in their situation and you will see how a simple gesture or presence can make all the difference in the world.
